Jj is for Jottings 108.  Preventing Apostrophe Catastrophes.

As promised in the previous article, we will delve further into some common confusions about apostrophes and, hopefully, iron them out.  In this way I hope to be preventing apostrophe catastrophes – or at least some of them.

POSSESSIVE APOSTROPHE CATASTROPHES.

Here is a list of possessive determiners (sometimes called possessive adjectives) – singular/plural:

My/our

Your/your

His/their

Her/their

Its/their

It’s easy – just put the word “book”, or any other name, after the word: my book/our book etc.

Here is a list of possessive pronouns:

Mine/ours

Yours/yours

His/theirs

Hers/theirs

Its/theirs

This is also easy – say “the book (or another noun) is mine/ours/yours” etc.  (Only I wouldn’t say “the books is its” – very clumsy.)

Note that there is not an apostrophe in sight.  Why?  Because they are already possessive.  Just remember his. Are you ever tempted to add an apostrophe to his?  No.  It wouldn’t make sense.  It is the same for hers, ours, etc.

THE POSSESSIVE/CONTRACTION CONFUSION: ITS/ IT’S.

This is one of the most common apostrophe errors, due to the fact that the possessive word, its, sounds the same as the contraction, it’s.

It’s = it is.

“Its” is the possessive = belonging to it (“its paw”, see above).

To put both into one sentence: “It’s a shame, it’s hurt its paw.”

Contraction, contraction, possession:  “It is a shame, it has hurt its (the dog’s/ cat’s etc) paw.”

If you ever have any doubt about whether to put an apostrophe in “its” just ask yourself if it really means “it is” or “it has”.  That’s when you need the apostrophe.

FOLLOWING CLOSELY BEHIND: WHO’S/WHOSE; YOU’RE/YOUR; THERE’S/THEIRS.

If you can replace the word with who is or who has, then the word is who’s.

Who’s coming out tonight?    (Who is)

Who’s left their hat behind?  (Who has)

Whose hat is this?

If you can replace the word with you are, then the word is you’re.

I see you’re coming to pick up your hat.

Or, for a crude example which I found somewhere on the internet:

“Grammar is the difference between knowing your s**t and knowing you’re s**t!”

If you can replace the word with there is, the word is there’s.

There’s a lot of controversy about whether the house is actually theirs.

 

This is one concept, appearing in different words.  So, instead of having to learn where all these apostrophes do and don’t belong, it is simply a matter of learning – and applying – the principle.

Remember, with apostrophes for contractions, if you don’t put an apostrophe in some words it can change the word:

she’ll – shell
we’re – were
she’d – shed
we’ll – well

 

PLURAL APOSTROPHE CATASTROPHES .

This is probably the other most common misuse of apostrophes, as is clearly demonstrated on the photograph accompanying this article.  Once again, it is really simple – we do not use apostrophes to create plural words.  (There may be an apostrophe needed if the plural is possessive, but that is in addition to the plural and not the purpose of the apostrophe.)  Adding ‘s instead of s to form a plural is called the “greengrocer’s apostrophe” (potato’s, lemon’s), but of course it is not just greengrocers who do this.  And that isn’t to say that all greengrocers can’t spell – many of them spell correctly.  I think it was because, in the days of strip shops, it was the greengrocers who would have signs out with prices for a list of plural words.  The butcher, on the other hand, would have prices for steak, lamb mince etc. with fewer plurals.  So the greengrocers scored the bad reputation.

It is amazing to find these apostrophes appearing in very expensive signs on businesses, and in official documents from sources who should know better.

REAL LIFE APOSTROPHE CATASTROPHES.

Here are some examples taken from real life.  Some were sent in to the Apostrophe Protection Society in the UK; some examples came from Lynne Truss’s excellent – and entertaining – book, “Eats, Shoots and Leaves”.  She collected these examples from various sources.  And one of them is an annual source of anger and frustration for me.

“Stoves, Fires and Fireplace’s”.  Why would you get two plurals correct and decide the third one needs an apostrophe?  Actually, I’ve just realised why: “fireplace” ends in a /s/ sound.  That threw the cat among the pigeons.  I notice that it often does.

“Boy’s Toys” (in a department store).  What a lucky boy – he gets all the toys to himself.

“Toilette’s are for Customer’s Only”.  Love the spelling of “toilet” – the writer came over all French.  That customer must have felt very privileged, to have a toilet provided for their exclusive use.

“Visitor’s Centre”.  Again, someone seems to be spending an awful lot of money on providing facilities for just one person.

“All Black’s”.  All Black’s what?  I wonder who Black is.  And what his Christian name is.

“Please replace the chair’s”.  The chair’s what?

“Ladie’s Hairdresser”.

“Your 21 today”.  On a birthday card.

“Nigger’s Out”.  A sign seen in New York.  Somebody had written underneath:  “But he’ll be back shortly.”

“St. Peters’ Church School”.  I wonder how many St. Peters there actually were.  And whether punctuation is taught at that school.  I rather hope not, on balance.

“Next week: nouns and apostrophe’s”.  This came from a BBC website advertising a grammar course for children!

Finally, here is my annual trial:

“Premiers’ Reading Challenge”.  This is an annual statewide strategy to encourage reading in Victoria, Australia.  I have never managed to find out just how many more premiers our state has, beyond the one I always knew about.  I have written to the Department of Education and Training on more than one occasion and, I have to confess, in increasingly scathing terms.  Of course I have never received a reply, and nothing has changed.

 

If you’re still not convinced that punctuation is important to written communication, you might like to read this article on punctuation and social media and the importance of punctuation.  And you will invariably find that weak spellers will not be good with punctuation.  I haven’t gone into the finer points of apostrophes because that is outside the scope of these articles, but if everyone knew the basics presented here, the majority of apostrophe errors would not exist.  And that would be a Very Good Thing for the blood pressure of the many sticklers out there!

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