Jj is for Jottings 161.  What is Phubbing?

Question: “What is Phubbing?”  Answer: “Telephone snubbing.”  The word comes from ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’.  It is the act of ignoring people in favour of a telephone.  Look around you in almost any public place and you will see numerous acts of phubbing occurring.  It always fascinates me to see a couple out for a meal, each absorbed in scrolling through their phone.  Phubbing excludes the other person.  I would prefer a companionable silence, minus phones. This at least allows for eye contact and leaves space for either party to initiate conversation without feeling they are interrupting.

Phubbing has a close relationship with digital distraction. And it is a direct consequence of how smartphones affect the brain.

There have been at least 170 studies on phubbing, with many more in progress.  It is, of course, a fairly recent practice and, to me, the effects are obvious and negative.  But we need actual evidence from studies to be able to make informed statements on the subject.

GENERAL PHUBBING TRENDS.

Situations In Which Phubbing Occurs.

Think of a situation involving more than one person, and you would probably find some phubbing.  Waiting for or on public transport; in restaurants; at the dinner table; during work meetings; in bed.  If you’re on your own, the public transport one doesn’t seem so bad, given that you’re all strangers to each other.  I would take a book, and that amounts to much the same thing.  However walking and being on your phone, even amongst strangers is different altogether.  It really annoys me when people do this, so that I have to be the one to avoid the collisions which would otherwise occur.  I’ve heard a number of other people make the same complaint.

There was a shocking accident in Australia a couple of years ago.  A young mother with a baby in a sling in front of her was out walking with her husband.  A magpie started swooping her.  If you’ve ever been swooped by a magpie, you would know you don’t hang around.  When rushing away to avoid the swooping and save the baby and herself from the magpie, she tripped and fell forwards, and the baby died as a result.  The mother was in no way responsible for the baby’s death.  It was a tragic accident.

I couldn’t help comparing this incident with the mother I saw recently with a baby in a sling in front of her.  She was walking along, texting.  How could she know if there was a stick or other object on the path in front of her?  Or if a tree root hadn’t grown under the concrete and made it uneven?  If she had tripped because she was phubbing and her baby had died, she would have been entirely responsible.

What and Who?

Most people phub others to browse the internet, check emails, look up their banking app, use Google maps and to check their social media.

People are most likely to phub those closest to them, according to the studies.  The general order from more likely to less likely is partners, closest friends, siblings, children and parents.

Young people phub more often than older people, which is hardly surprising.  Older people have had fewer years of technology in their lives, and therefore are more likely to behave as social beings.  There was no noticeable difference between how often males and females phubbed.

CONSEQUENCES OF PHUBBING.

It would be fair to say that an underlying feeling of being unimportant is common to all ‘phubbees’.  However more specific consequences of phubbing varied according to the relationship between ‘phubber’ and ‘phubbee’.  (I’m adopting these terms from now on.)  Here are some findings:

Children.

When parents phubbed their children, the children received the message that their parents weren’t interested in them; that they weren’t accepted by their parents. This made the children feel rejected and socially disconnected.  This led to lower life satisfaction and increased anxiety and depression.

These feelings led to behavioural consequences.  Phubbed children were more likely to become addicted to their smartphones and display hostile behaviour online, such as cyberbullying.  And in some cases it led to reduced academic performance.

The effects of parents’ screen time is discussed more broadly in this article.

Partners.

Where partners were concerned, phubbing resulted in increased conflict related to smartphone use.  The phubbee often felt excluded, which led to reduced intimacy, which therefore reduced satisfaction with the relationship.  This in turn led to reduced overall life satisfaction.

They may worry that the phubber may be pursuing someone else romantically and feel jealous, leading to anxiety and depression.

Phubbees often spent excessive amounts of time on social media, probably in an attempt to regain some of the attention lost to the phubber’s smartphone habit.

Family and Friends.

Once again, when the phubbee was a family member, they felt that they didn’t matter to the phubber, which lowered life satisfaction and increased loneliness and depression.  It also weakened their connection to the phubber.

Phubbed friends felt socially disconnected, which lowered both friendship and life satisfaction.  Again, this led to increased anxiety and depression, and drove the phubbee to seek attention on social media.

You can see that, overall, phubbees react in similar ways, but with variations according to the relationships involved.

Groups of Friends.

At schools and university campuses, it is very common to see groups of young people sitting together all on their phones.  What’s the point of being in a group if no-one is communicating directly?  In this situation the phubbing is mutual, so it would not have deleterious effects on the others.  But neither is it having the positive effects of direct social interaction – laughing and joking, telling anecdotes, sharing feelings, discussing important world issues. Nor is it developing or refining the important skills of reading other people’s facial expressions, tone of voice, level of eye contact etc.

Employees.

Bosses who phubbed their employees diminished the employees’ trust in the boss.  This led the employees to lower engagement with their work, decreased job satisfaction and poorer general performance. It affected their self-esteem, lowered their motivation and made them feel socially excluded.

Phubbed employees resorted to misusing the internet at work as payback.  And they tended to phub other employees.

Phubbing is like a virus, infecting relationships and spreading quietly below the awareness of most of the people involved.

REDUCING PHUBBING.

Unfortunately, it’s up to the ‘wronged party’ – the phubbee – to take action.  A request such as “May I have your attention, please?” may work on that occasion only.  Phubbers are often addicted to their phone/social media, so one request is unlikely to have a far-reaching effect.

If it keeps happening, you need to have a calm, considered conversation.  Explain how it makes you feel and why it needs to stop.  You may also establish ground rules about phone use when you are together.  For example, a family may establish a ‘no phones during meals’ rule.  Or a couple may agree to have no phones once you’ve gone to bed.

If you are out with someone and something urgent arises via your phone, you can minimise the effects by apologising for the interruption, explaining the urgency and keeping it short.  As a person who does not carry a phone around with me, I find it difficult to imagine how many urgent situations would crop up for the average person.  If such situations are work-related, perhaps the boss is actually encroaching on your personal time, and work expectations need managing.

Starting Early.

If children are aware of phubbing and its consequences, they are less likely to become phubbers.  Parents can tie this in with managing childrens’ screen time.  It’s just another dimension to bringing up decent and caring citizens.  And schools can play a vital role in this by banning smartphones in schools.

OUT AND ABOUT WITHOUT A PHONE.

There’s another dimension to putting away the phone when in a public place.  Apart from the fact that you are in the position to observe a bit of nature, even in a city, you can actually improve another person’s day.  I like to play the game of smiling at people, and sometimes making a genial remark, and seeing how they respond.  Some remain crabby, but many people respond with a smile and a response to the remark.  It just helps the world go around in a positive way.  And you never know, for some people that might just make their day.  And even that possibility is a good feeling, so it’s a win/win.

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